mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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