You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
