Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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