i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
