I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
