NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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