I wish my penis had an off switch
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
