you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
