After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
