she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
