The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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