boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
