i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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