Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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