he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
as a side note pls kill me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
