hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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