i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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