he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
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you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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