I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm getting married
To pizza
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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