Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
