If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
