Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
