We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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