Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
