I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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