Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
