I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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