YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
