I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
