she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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