Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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