Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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