I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
