dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
