i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize