i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
