so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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