somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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