i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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