My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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