Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
