do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
