dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
