did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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