I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
