you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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