i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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