the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
