I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
