Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
