so that wasnt chicken after all
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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