just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
