wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
