Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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