and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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