Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
