Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
