ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
