Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
