I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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