ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
