I feel like abortions should bother me more
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You ruined the universe
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
