I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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