so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
