thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
