dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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