At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
