Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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