The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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