dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
