I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
