69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's blow job season.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
