I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
