Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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