I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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