I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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