So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
