The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You were trust falling into bushes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
