And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
