she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
