you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
