somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
