You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
